I keep asking myself why I haven’t written anything lately.
Truthfully, I have written plenty, but I have published none of it. I haven’t experienced the flow of an unbroken writing session resulting in an enjoyable little personal essay in a long time.
What I have experienced, though, is so much more than I am able to describe in a brief piece of writing; however, I think I will try.
I have been deeply entrenched in what might refer as '“the grind” of making and selling jewelery and hand-dyed clothing. For anyone reading this who knows what I do, that should come as no surprise. I’m active on social media (to a degree; I visit once or twice per day and post pertinent photos, videos and promotional posters). I spend many hours every week making things with my hands. Currently I am veering further into both the making and the documenting that comes along with maintaining both an in-person and an online business.
There's also the more romantic side side of creation: ideas. Daydreaming. Forming images in my mind and then manifesting them into physical forms is highly gratifying, and I do a lot of that. My brain is always designing cool things to wear, whether I am doing the dishes or sitting on the toilet. The steady stream of ideas is one of the best parts of the whole gig.
It’s the kind of grind you want, as a person in this world, isn’t it? To dictate your own workload and schedule? To make your own way? It’s a good grind, albeit physically fatiguing. I don’t have the most ergonomic setup at my various creative workstations.
I experience a distracting level of pain every single day, which brings me to another area of “busy-ness” in my life: the hunt for health. The pursuit of a pain-free life. My symptoms, perhaps, hint at something in the vein of chronic fatigue syndrome and/or fibromyalgia, with a side helping of endometriosis, but who knows? Not me; not yet. In short, I’m looking for answers. I’m looking for requisitions, and results, eventually, diagnoses.
Mostly, I’m working really damned hard to heal myself with daily yoga practices and careful diet and exercise and close attention to my emotional well-being. I’ve been doing this for over a decade, but only lately has it felt like it’s never enough. Catching Covid twice in the last year seems to have set me back more than I would have liked.
Everything hurts some days, honestly, but I keep going.
I’m making music, in my mind, on paper, on guitar, on drums, in voice memos, and on our studio computer. I’m thinking it’s time I finally finish up my dozen-or-so track solo album and get it out there into the ether. I’m excited to make album art, and liner notes, and music videos. I’m excited to perform my songs live.
I fully intend to tour again in the future: to play hundreds of shows. I’m playing a big loud local rock show soon enough. Our shows as a band have become very sparse over the last decade, with a few busy spells thrown in there. Every show feels like an event, as it should. I’m plotting logistics, and practicing for that.
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Put Your Face In It to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.